Train Wreck of the Day 7/30/13

I think we have a "Situation" here. 

Train Wreck of the Day 7/29/13

He's a world renown break dancer, contortionist, and tantric sex specialist. Great, just when I thought I was flexible. 

Train Wreck of the Day 7/26/13

Ducks. Not one, but 2 pics of his "pet ducks."  Or should I say, his biatches? In a kiddie pool? What is wrong with you dude? You keep 2 wild ducks in a pink kiddie pool from 1982 and you feel the need to post these pics in your public dating profile? I hope you rope in a real winner. Happy Friday!

Train Wreck of the Day 7/25/13

So what do these youngins call Thursdays now - throw back Thursday? Well here's one for you! This guy could throw me back and forth any day of the week. With an ass like that how could I not give him my number. We start chatting and I quickly learn that he is the guy from the commercial - "I pick things up and I put them down."  Fine, just sit there and look pretty. 

He gives me his last name, and naturally after some research, I find his Instagram. Every picture is of his body and no head. Every. Single. One. About 86 to be exact. Here's a sneak peek, and I could go on for days. Gotta give him a high 5 on that body. His ego and face are another story. He's what we call a double bagger. I wear one on my head just in case the one on his head falls off. 

Train Wreck of the Day 7/24/13

Really dude? What is going on here? I'm actually pretty confused. I have never, nor will I ever, see anyone post newspaper clippings to themselves. I will not call you Mr. Cool in your zebra Santa hat. In fact, I won't call you at all. 

Featured Profile

He is a "heteroflexible" escort. He is not pretending to be a model or trying to convince people he's good looking. No shit. Is he serious with this profile? If you aren't looking for new clients, then what is the point here? I don't really think there is a line of women (or men) waiting for a chance to brush your chest hair. This is the most ridiculous profile I've seen since the Snood Guy. He also refers to himself as a dominant whore. Stay classy. 

 

Train Wreck of the Day 7/23/13

Wake up with Mr. Hot Body. Mr. I won't give up until you've had 4 orgasms. Mr. I think I'm the greatest at everything. Mr. I can't keep it up after 2 beers. 

Train Wreck of the Day 7/22/13

This looks like the kind of guy you could walk all over...

Train Wreck of the Day 7/19/13

Beat the Heat? I'm not impressed. 

Train Wreck of the Day 7/18/13

Just stop it. Stop it right now. 

Train Wreck of the Day 7/17/13

Sorry, I prefer guys who are too big to fit in the dryer. But thanks anyway. 

Cradle Robbing

Sometimes, nothing makes a 30 something year old woman feel better about herself than going out with a 21 year old. Especially when he is hot and showers you with compliments. My friend Melanie decided to roll the dice with this one and go out with him, despite his douche bag photo (below). 

They meet for a drink (or 6) and homeslice gets sloshed like it's his prom night. Determined to make this date worthwhile (since she has no intention of actually dating him) she brings him home with her. She makes them drinks and he proceeds to spill it all over himself, the dog, and the floor. Ok time for bed. Since he was so hammered, hooking up with him was like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Fail.  After they pass out, she wakes up to the sound of him peeing in her fully packed suitcase. He then started rummaging through her drawers, and while he was attempting to put on one of her sweaters as a skirt, he falls on her drying rack and breaks it.  After she yells at him, he locks himself in the bathroom and sleeps on the floor. 

Finally she gets him to unlock the door at 10am the next morning and brings him home - to the dorm. Yes, the dorm. Moral of the story? I'll leave that one up to you. 

And here he is in the sweater - passed out. I can't make this stuff up! 

Train Wreck of the Day 7/11/13

I think this is more of a car wreck than train wreck. I mean, what is he doing? Clearly in the middle of the road, he gets out if his car to lay on it, pull up his shirt (sweet abs Bro) and have someone capture this magical moment on film. Check out the girl looking on in amazement. It also looks like this is in the dead of winter by the snow on the ground. I guess this is what people do for fun these days. Too bad this is a dating web site and not the next episode of Jackass. 

Train Wreck of the Day 7/9/13

Say hello to Bobby Blowout. Bobby's hobbies include: Fist pumping, tanning, lifting, staring in the mirror, and bedazzling his own clothes. Ok, so maybe I gave him my number...

Let Freedom Ring?

Today, celebrate your freedom and let it all hang out. 

Hidden Agenda

Sometimes I like to go out on dates with potential weirdos just for the stories. I mean that is really the only reason people date anymore right? So I start texting with this one guy and he actually doesn't seem like a weirdo at all. Good job in the medical field, owns a condo, and looks pretty clean cut. After a few days of texting we decide to meet up sometime next week. 

Last night, I get an alert on my phone that this kid is on Voxer (an app you should download if you haven't already). It displays his first and last name. Score. While I usually get their full names before a date - you don't want to ask too soon for fear of looking like a stalker. I take this opportunity to stalk him on Facebook. His cover photo is of 2 hairy old cats, and his profile pic is a selfie - with some creepy eye stare going on. As I scroll through the rest of his profile and cover photos, I find these:

So, umm what? Hanging babies? Scary gross child? Is this guy for real? Is he a serial murderer? Child rapist? I don't care who you are, you don't put these kind of pics as your Facebook profile unless you have some serious issues. Think it's safe to say I won't be meeting him for a drink unless I want to end up in a trunk. 

Creepy Tattoos Part I

So, I'm not the biggest fan of tattoos, but I don't hate on them. Sometimes you see some cool ones, or something meaningful. Other times you wonder what the hell they were thinking. Take a look at some of these scary tattoos. Talk about waking up in the middle of the night having nightmares? I'm glad they put these on display before we go out with them. I just can't. 

Train Wreck of the Day 7/1/13

Psy - is that you? Fist pumping jersey style? While I am an advocate of fist pumping in my cubical, I never document it. This should have been at the club so you looked semi popular.